Coming Out…subtly

As an NP, I’m skilled at seeing things, both real and imagined.

And I’m told my NF makes me more likely to “project” my thoughts and feelings on others.

(At times this combination has made me a leedle paranoid.  For example, that Mom knows what I’m really thinking and is such a cool customer she’s waiting for me to crack first…)

Today I hosted a family gathering at my home.  I didn’t hide any of my Catholic reading, but I made sure The Catholic Family Bible was returned to its shelf after I read this morning.  And I wanted to file away the guide to confession  I had brought home from the Wednesday service before Easter.

When I made that mental note I was looking at the pamphlet propped up by a pile of other things on my desk in the livingroom.

I was cleaning up after the party (my introvert self so thankful it was over) when I noticed the image was still where I had first noticed it.  I squirmed.  I wondered who had seen it, and if they’d noticed it whether they’d known what it was, and if they’d known what it was, what they’d thought of it, and me.

Then I noticed that the shelf with all of my specifically Catholic books, while subtle enough when one is standing, was directly in one’s line of sight when sitting on the couch four feet across from it.

So when I saw my folks at their place later today, I kept expecting my mom to question me.

Thinking about it later I realized that she never sat down, but if she had I wouldn’t have had to worry about it: she’s  not the observant one.  What I have to wait for is for my dad to bring it up with her, and see if after they’ve had a chance to talk…

Returning to the first point, I keep telling myself not to be forced into talking about anything before I’m ready, and if (they noticed or not and) they don’t say anything to me about it, I can at least posit that while this Catholic  may have been “done in a corner,” it was at least not done in secret.

I can point to today and my bookshelf and say You saw it there first.

I have a small theory about learning, or understanding. Mainly it’s that our brains take in more than we’re aware of, and that’s how God prevents complete shock in so many cases.  With the astuteness of 20/20 hindsight we can look back and say, Maybe I should have known that.  Or even I guess I *did* know that!

Or maybe I’m just projecting again…


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